Writer found peace at high altitudes while dealing with personal grief
First time feeling happiness in six years since sister's cancer diagnosis
Discovered self-forgiveness at what she considered her sister's spiritual domain
Experience helped accept human flaws after period of marital anxiety
📖 Full Retelling
A writer found solace and self-forgiveness during a challenging trek to 18,000 feet in Tibet on the last day of a kora pilgrimage, as she coped with the recent death of her sister and the end of her marriage. Walking alone past rocks carved with Tibetan prayers and warning signs about cliff roads, she observed small birds that likely nest in holes in the rocky inclines and pikas running around her feet. This arduous journey marked the first time in six years since her sister's cancer diagnosis that she had come close to feeling true happiness, as the high altitude and proximity to what she considered her sister's spiritual gods allowed her to forgive herself for personal failures. The writer reflected on how she had spent the previous year in a state of anxiety, contorting herself to make her husband find her lovable again, forgetting that her flaws didn't make her despicable, only human. Watching Tibetan pilgrims raise their hands to the skies, praying for everyone on earth, she discovered that atonement wasn't an impossibility and began to accept her own humanity.
Tibet ( ) is a region in the western part of East Asia, covering much of the Tibetan Plateau. It is the homeland of the Tibetans. Other ethnic groups also reside on the plateau, including Mongols, the Lhoba, Monpa, Qiang, Sherpa, and since the 20th century, Han and Hui peoples.
Journey or search of moral or spiritual significance
A pilgrimage is a journey to a holy place, which can lead to a personal transformation, after which the pilgrim returns to their daily life. A pilgrim (from the Latin peregrinus) is a traveler (literally, one who has come from afar) who is on a journey to a holy place. Typically, this is a physical ...
Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important, in particular the death of a person or animal to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, grief also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual, poli...
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Original Source
On the last day of the kora, I walked alone for much of the way, past rocks carved with Tibetan prayers, and signs saying “Cliff road caution falling.” Small birds flew out of what looked like burrows in the rocky inclines. There were no trees this high and I imagined these birds must make their nests in the holes. Pikas ran around my feet. I realized this was the closest I had come to feeling happy been in the six years since my sister’s cancer diagnosis. At these heights, in the proximity of my sister’s gods, it seemed I could forgive myself for my failures as a wife and a sister. In the state of anxiety in which I had spent the previous year, contorting myself so that my husband would find me lovable again, I had forgotten to acknowledge that whatever my flaws were — and my husband had pointed out many — they didn’t make me despicable, only human. Now, watching Tibetan pilgrims raise their hands to the skies, praying for everyone on earth, I felt atonement wasn’t an impossibility.
