My sexual freedom odyssey: what ancient African wisdom can teach us about pleasure today

My sexual freedom odyssey: what ancient African wisdom can teach us about pleasure today By speaking to women across the continent, I discovered how reclaiming pre-colonial rites and rituals can help us find joy in our bodies I n the kitchen of my Airbnb in Dar es Salaam I stripped down to my underwear and wrapped a colourful kanga cloth around my hips. It was day three of my dance lessons with Zaishanga, but I was showing no improvement. Zaishanga, or Auntie Zai as I called her, is a traditional sex educator, known locally as a somo or kungwi . She told me that learning to dance seductively would ensure that, “no man would ever want to leave you, unless you want him gone”. I never did master the dance, and I really don’t care much if a man chooses to leave me, but my time with Auntie Zai was enlightening. Dance is just one of a range of seduction tips and tricks that Zaishanga teaches at her “kitchen parties”. She also counsels women on how to maintain a healthy marriage, and gives advice on the importance of self-care, and the need to maintain a standard of beauty and style. These gatherings, where experienced older women – aunties, big sisters, grandmothers – share advice with brides-to-be are rooted in traditional rites of passage into womanhood that date back centuries. But like many African traditions reshaped by the twin forces of colonisation and modernism, kitchen parties have become increasingly tame – or “too western” as Zaishanga puts it. She remembers her experience as a teenage girl when she learned the art of touch through massage, and the beauty ritual of removing pubic hair with hot ash, as part of her own journey into womanhood. Now, she scoffed, women are literally being taught how to make tea. It was the tempering of the original spirit of kitchen parties that prompted Zaishanga, 53, to start her own, charging women 5,000 shillings (about £1.50) to attend. Zaishanga has worked as a somo for more than 30 years, and claims to have saved many marria...